It’s Time To Panic Sa (unless You're Zulu)!

It's that time of the year again where SA's favorite trade Union pulls a Dr Jekyll on the country and turns from labour representative to a militant army hell bent on destroying the economy and anything else that its legion of part-time anarchists chooses to target. Yes, it's NUMSA party time!! And the engineering and metal sectors are sitting waiting like Egyptian geese on a lake in duck hunting season. Fortunately, I have clients who have decided to "fight" back and have engaged our teams to protect their premises and people if the "shit does hit the fan".

But that being said, I find myself asking, what price do non-striking employees and business owners pay for NUMSA and its thugs (for hire) to take over the streets for three to four weeks of street battles and anarchy? After all, mental stress and anguish has proven to lead to serious health risks and ailments ....... that is, unless you are Zulu! A study done by Bloomberg found SA to be the second most stressed country out of 74 studied (number one being Nigeria).

Unfortunately, any hopes or aspirations South Africans have of achieving a Number One status or top spot have been severely hamstrung by our ‘Commander in Thief’, he of two heads, owner of Dubai and employee of the Guptas, Jacob Zuma, stating publically at his birthday celebrations, that there is NO Zulu word for stress, and it's a white man’s disease. "In the Zulu nation, stress does not exist," he told reporters. Our well educated ex-goat herder, then went on to explain that; “you can go to a sangoma and ask to be treated for stress, but they will laugh and tell you that they do not have ‘muti’ for this thing called stress." Strangely though, they can give you muti to turn your cheating spouse into a chameleon… go figure! No wonder our next inmate-in-waiting, never looks stressed... he is Zulu. Come to think of it, neither did Shaka. Although, he may have felt a little stressed when his boet had a spear forced through his body.

As a business owner or head of department, don't freak out too much about the upcoming strikes. According to those clever chaps in white coats, second to death the next most severe cause of stress is divorce! I'm not entirely sure they got that one right, to my mind divorce is only stressful if you are still gaga over the 

person but they aren't feeling you. Truth be told, this scenario normally plays itself out on one drunken evening. Allowing your mutual hatred for one another to develop over time is a far better way of avoiding stress. This way, by the time divorce is suggested its relief all round. Seriously, I don't think those clever men in white coats living in sterile countries like Switzerland are really qualified to decide on what is the most severe catalyst of stress. But my bet is that thousands of drunk strikers high on the fumes of lawlessness would make them re-evaluate their findings damn quickly. For those who are in the eye of the striking hurricane, please feel free to call D&K Management Consultants for assistance.

Need our Service?

Private Investigator Affiliates

Affiliates
"Thanks to D&K, we were able to carry out a discreet investigation, simply and fast."
John Brown, BKR Attorneys - September 2003 Read more »